Things That Can Never Be Said
by matrix2199
Summary: Four different people and the things that they wish they could say.
1. the fic itself

Things That Can Never Be Said

          Every time I see you, my heart burns.  That face that I could never forget.  That voice that I always hear.  My soul cries every time you are near, because I know that it's not my arms that you yearn for, not my voice you desire to hear.

          I know that there will never be an "us".  You will never look at me with passion in your sweet brown eyes.  And I know that deep beneath all my longing, I don't really want you to.  In the moments when I am most honest with myself, I know that it's not really you that I ache to hold, but that memory that you mirror so painfully well.  That's why "we" will never be.  We both know that it's not quite your face that I hold so dear, and not quite your voice that I long to hear.

          I hope you're happy with him, I truly do.  But outside of those moments when I am finally honest with myself, there are all of the lies that I tell myself, and I am thinking all of the things that I will never say.

*~*~*

          Can't you see how I feel about you?  Can't you see how different I am whenever you are around?  Of course you can't.  How could you know how I am when you're not there?  You can never see just how much more cheerful the mere sight of you make me.  I just can't stop smiling whenever you are near.  I could die a happy man just from being in your presence.

          I want you.  I truly, honestly do.  I want to hold you in my arms and run my hands through your lovely hair.  I want to kiss your lips and drink in the sweet taste of you.  But I don't deserve you, and you deserve far better than me.

          You already have someone who would treat you like the goddess that you are if you would only let him.  He would greet you with flowers and candy, while all I hold is my blood-smeared blade.  And if it's not him that you want, another is bound to follow.  Someone like you is bound to have a legion of admirers ready to follow your every whim.

          But I still want you.  I still want to hold you in my arms and tell you how I feel.  But I won't.  Never.  I won't allow your light to be dimmed by my darkness.  I am your prince, and I will protect you, even if it's from myself.  No matter how much I want to, I'll never say it.

*~*~*

          I want to apologize to you.  I feel like I should.  But sometimes I think, that it is you who should be apologizing to me, for never really seeing me.

          I know that you think that you love me.  But I know that you really don't.  I know that when you look at my face, all you see is a ghost from your memory.  And when you hear my voice, it's just an echo from the past.

          I don't know how I can tell you this.  I'm not even sure if I should.  But as I ponder this, deep down I know, that these are things that we will never say.

*~*~*

          Why won't you say it?  Or am I completely off track?  Sometimes I just don't know.  I mean, sometimes I think that I know how you feel about me, but most of the time I have no clue!

          Ever since I met you, you always seem to be around.  You've helped me so many times, and I'm still not sure why.  Why won't you just tell me?

          I've come to look forward to seeing you.  Whenever you're around, I feel... I don't know exactly how I feel.  But I kinda like it.  And I like having you around.  I've never quite felt this way before.  I mean, I do enjoy the company of others, and there are other people that I like to be around.  But with you it's different.

          I want to know how you feel.  No, I _need_ to know.  It's because... because of what I think I feel.  I want you to be around more, because... I like having you around, because... I... like you.  But I don't have the courage to say it, because I really don't know how you feel about me.  I need to hear you say it, because some things need to be said.

~fin

Ok, the next part isn't really part of the fic, it's just some author commentary and stuff.  Oh, and if you couldn't figure out who the four people were, that's buried somewhere in the commentary.  Good luck.  ^_^


	2. comments and questions

          What the hell was this?!  This thing assaulted me while I was working on another fic, and that fic had interrupted yet another one!  Both are also Flame of Recca.  At least this one stayed short.  The first Flame of Recca fic that I started was just a simple idea that spontaneously expanded.  And the other one, albeit a bit more that the first, was also a much simpler idea it's beginning, also quickly grew, and is reaching epic proportions.

          But this sappy thing.... where the hell did it come from?  It's really not my thing.  But like I said, the idea just assaulted me last night, and forced me to follow it.  It's probably covered with grammatical errors and badly structured sentences.  I didn't do much in the way of proof-reading.  And for those who couldn't figure out who the four people are, they are Tokiya, Raiha, Yanagi, and Fuuko, in that order.  Let me know if you were able to figure out who the people were.

          The original idea was just the thoughts of the water boy, and then it occurred to me that the thunder boy would fit in too.  Then I thought that having the wind child's thoughts would go well with Raiha's.  I was going to scrap ice boy's part then, but then I thought of keeping his part and adding Yanagi's would create a good contrast with the other pair.  I kinda like the effect, but then again, I did write and post this thing, so one would assume that I like it to at least some degree.  Let me know what you think.  And also let me know if you actually bothered to read all this...

          I tried to stay relatively in character for each part, allowing that people aren't always the same inside as they are outside.  Again, let me know what you think of this.  Flames are welcome, they might give me a good laugh.  Constructive criticism is preferred.

          Oh yeah, and I also briefly considered adding Domon and Recca to this, but it just didn't quite fit what I had in mind.  Especially Recca.  But if enough people are curious, maybe I'll bother.  Depends on how my ideas are assaulting me.  ~_^  Don't hold your breath for it, though.

          For anyone who cares, and those who don't, but are still reading for some strange reason, I'm working on two other fics.  Yes, I mentioned this earlier, but I'm going back to them.  One is a more comedic piece, which is, like this one, not really my thing, but from some reason has demanded to be written.  The other is this annoyingly huge epic thing with a life of it's own.  How long it is before either is posted online, if ever, is anyone's guess.  I could use a little help though.  I have a few questions that could use answering.  Not all of them are all that important to me though.  They'd just be helpful to know.  And yes, some of these I could try to look up online, but I'm rather lazy, and it's always nice to get help from nice people.

          This first thing is rather important to me, though.  Could someone give me the Japanese translation of the word "knife"?  It's kinda corny, but I want to use it as a name.  Also, Japanese translations of the words "blade", "cloth", and "peace" would also be helpful.  They are also some somewhat corny names that I thought of.  Whether or not I'll use them remains to be seen.

          Oh, yeah.  I read somewhere that "Tokiya" means "snow".  Is that true, or does it mean something else?  And for that matter, does "Mifiyu" (spelling?) mean "beautiful winter"?

          I need a good Japanese surname.  I've been using the name "Tokagowa".  The name just popped in my head, but I feel like I'm desecrating some holy shrine or something.  Does anyone know if it does refer to something?  If I replace the name with something else, I'd like a name that isn't really associated with any common anime or manga. For instance, "Tskino" from Sailor Moon isn't exactly the feeling that I want to impart with it. Maybe I'll use a name from Weiss Kruez.  And if anyone does think of a name for me, please let me know what it means, if anything.

          Does Kendo use a wooden practice sword?  If not, could someone tell me a martial discipline that does?  And would a Japanese high school P.E. section ever include it to any degree?

          And speaking of Japanese high schools, how do the classes typically work?  Do you travel with the same group of people to each class, or do you just have the same people with you during homeroom?  Also, would guys and girls have P.E. at the same time, or are they typically separate?

          Also, does the school that the Hokage attend have a name?  Not really important, but it would be nice to know.

          What do classmates call each other?  Outside of friends, that is.  Is it [surname]-san?  And how would a teacher address his or her students?

          HA!  HA!  HA!  This commentary section is officially longer than the fic itself!  If you actually made it to the end without skipping anything, go treat yourself to an ice cream or something.  ^_^


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